Hurt

It seems a long time since the last moment I felt hurt, I promised myself several times that I'll never let anyone hurt my feelings, that I'll never let my feelings overwhelm me, that I'll never let tears fall. I couldn't keep that promise, it was like the hurt I wasn't expecting. I didn't even had a warning. What was wrong? I don't even know how I let myself slip expressing what I really felt. I thought I'll always be able to take control over my feelings but I just blurted it out like a stupid child, I wished I could take it back, several times, but... I couldn't. What was said was said now there are things I should reconsider. Things that got me thinking, maybe I made the wrong choice after all and I wonder if I'll regret it sooner or later, at the same time the hurt is just over bearing I wish I didn't hear those words. I never meant to act or play it was unwittingly said, not even planned not yesterday, not months ago! I never even planned to share it or say it out loud. It was a craziness of one crazy moment. Now, I don't know, I stay confused, unable to understand the reaction I faced. It wasn't expected because I didn't plan it. The choice was made and there was no going back. I think if I had to choose hundreds of times, I'll still choose the same, I discovered that yesterday. I know it might make me suffer for very long but I don't think I'll want anything else. It is suffering having half of it or having nothing at all. Here I choose the least suffering of all, having half of it at least will make me less pained. I just hope it is understood why I made this choice, I hope it is not the choice that will make my heart bleed endlessly. Once it is thought of it looks like I wanted it that way but no that wasn't my aim. Never putting anyone in any pain or hurt. But I am very much hurt. I cried last night, I cried my heart out because I know it will never be understood. My choice was not planned on some game, it was just a one moment discovery and one moment decision. It was never meant to be known to the person I know most, never...